Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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