My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
