Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So vagazzling was a success
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
