I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i already hear my dad disowning me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
