THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
