Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
