He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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