I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
