if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
