Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
