good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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