the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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