I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
