hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize