She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
