sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize