WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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