Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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