ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
