she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
