I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
