My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
