so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
