Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My balls are so social today.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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