the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
