we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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