doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize