You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
