Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
