I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
