So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
