there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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