I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think I am morally bankrupt
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
