Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
