you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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