Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
