Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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