You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
