u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize