So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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