so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
