end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
