It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
