Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just had sex on a roof
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
