My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
