Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We need to rekindle our bromance
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
