Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
