I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
