Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
