i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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