; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Do vagina's smell?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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