I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Porn is love you can see.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
