I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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