somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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