I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
