Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
birth control should be required to get into college
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
