Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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