Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
