The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
