I smell stomach acid.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
