I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
No...this little piggys going to the bar
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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