I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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