Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
