i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
